Butterfly Heaven

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

My thoughts for Day 1:

1 month ago...

we were just together...

1 month later...

you tell me...

let's just be friends for now and think about our relationship in the future...

That was how my 1st month anniversary with him ended up...and the story started because of a girl, and a wrong action made by both him and myself.

But that was 2 days ago....

Today...is the first day i tried to stick to his suggestion. He said "We can go out as we used to, though not so frequent now, but our statuses are only as friends". Sorry...some things i have to clear up...what do you mean by "as we used to"? Means I can still hold your hands? I can still kiss you? I can still hold you in my arms? Well...All I can say as of now, it is difficult for me. Talking to you on the phone last night, while trying to act as a friend...was...terrible for me. How much i wanted to cry...yet i couldn't... How much i wished to see you...but i couldn't. I love you too much...sometimes i wonder how much do you actually love me when you said you loved me. My friend said "He may say that but i can tell you he will never come back...he's just like other guys... play with you, and throw you aside." But i didn't want to believe that...cause i feel you're not that type of person. The whole day today...i couldn't help myself to keep looking at my phone for your messages. Sent you a few...hoping to see that you would reply soon. Called you, but i hung up cause I was scared. Called you again in the evening, but i knew you were busy cause you hung up my phone call. When you called me back...i totally didn't know how to bring the matter up to you. Partially cause my friend was around...i found it hard for me to say it because i was afraid tears will come up to my eyes, though some did, but i held back. I honestly don't want to be in this current situation...it honestly hurts more than what you did wrong...

Anyway...This morning i went to ECP with Randy, thanks him for picking me up from my house and paying for my mac breakfast. Though we only cycled 2 hours...but somehow we were tired, and talked under the pavilion for about 10-15 mins. What we talked about? Him... After ECP, Randy sent me to Lavender MRT so that i could go to school for badminton. Had about 2 hrs of badminton before we proceeded back to clubroom and had lunch at KFC. Steven let me try his new maple server in clubroom com...and it was really fun. But somehow...all that's on my mind was him... i really can't get him off my mind....

signing off now...i think tmr my arms and legs are going to be damn nua....

butterfly heaven
9:01 PM