Sometimes i wonder, why are all these things happening to me? Why is there so much unhappiness in this world? Why is it that i can't understand what others are trying to tell me? Why can't i lead my life the way i want it to be? So many whys, yet so limited answers.
Unconsciously, i've been pondering over the past events for the past 1 and a half weeks. I can't help to stop thinking about it, that i cried over dinner when i was eating alone at food loft. What i really wish for right now at this moment, is just to have a time reversal machine that can bring me right back to where i was maybe 1 year ago, when i started my sec 4 life, when i was just an ordinary girl, studying for her o levels, when i had 2 close friends whom i could confide in during bad times. But reality says that there is no such thing created in the world, and even if there is, i would not be the only one using that machine. Everyone makes mistakes, be it big or small, and of course, many of us would like to turn back time. We all know that is not possible, and the only thing we can do is to account for the mistakes we made in the past. I'm trying my best, yet nobody can see it, that i gave up already.
Many a times i had this thought, can i just leave this suffering world? Indeed, when people die, they are relieved of these sufferings. I tried to think positively, but negative thoughts keep coming to my mind, "who cares whether i am alive or not? Even my parents don't even care if i die, since they keep telling me that i would be better off dead. Which friends actually treasure me? How many have i met that are wolves in sheeps' skin?"
I don't want to go through this misery anymore, i want to have a new life. But i don't see anyone giving me a chance to. How many actually know what happened? How many actually know how i feel? I just want things to turn out alright If I was not born into this world, maybe, many people would be living life happily than now.
butterfly heaven
2:25 AM