The time now is 6.21am...and i hope that i would be able to finish typing. There's much to type, but it's hard to say...i dunno how to phrase them.
Let's first start with my life:
It's been quite havoc recently...having mixed feelings almost everyday, my mind was going to burst anytime. Given false hopes...of which i din believe...that reading i did saved me. I was at crossroads...and i have ALWAYS been at crossroads...but they weren't as difficult as this. Instead of 2...i have more choices! How am i to choose??
My feelings for certain people...i show it, and i mean it. Of course...it's up to you to believe...that these actions are subconscious...i myself don't noe wad i'm doing... To me it looks innocent...perhaps to others...is a different opinion.
So i decided to turn the clock back time....to when i was a normal school girl...alone...and nvr had any trustable frens. It was hard to come to that decision...i had been thinking about it for a very very long time...to those who noes about my headache, u finally noe wad's been in my mind...
I wanna start life anew...if we're fated to know each other...we will meet again somehow...and i believe we will...as long as we all believe. I have to seal this part of memories at the bottom of my heart...it will break the hearts of a lot of ppl i treasure... but maybe it won't. Negative thoughts comes to my mind...everytime i think about wad others think of mi...i'm not confident about myself...
So i wanna change....to be better. A new direction to come to mi soon...crying doesn't help with wad's done...i don't wan to cry anymore. I wanna be happy...and i don't wan to be alone anymore. I hope to reunite with the ppl i love...especially certain someones...of which have to be sealed up in my heart till the time is ripe to release.
My heart hurts a lot...and my uniform is getting wet. I noe i am being unreasonable to myself and probably to many others....but i have really have no more choices to choose.....unless u let mi disappear from ur life....or i will disappear myself....
This will be the end of my posts...time is 6.40am. And life will start anew from here.....i hope.............
butterfly heaven
10:40 PM